"What happened?!"
A few classmates wanted me to explain what happened.
I didn't have the strength to speak then, so I thought I'd better explain it online.
It was freaky to have seen me like that,
But let me tell you, it was even more frightening to have experienced it.
"Was it asthma?" No.
"Any history of breathing difficulties?" No.
"Have it happened before?" No.
"Huh? Psychological problem?" NO.
"Oh..too stressed lar..." Not_AT_ALL.
Let's just say there's something...let's call it Substance X, in me.
I don't know how X became active and it summoned me like a phantom.
It felt like it was spreading round internally, conquering me...
I couldn't resist the drawing power of X, and finally gave in...
I shouldn't have given X control, but I felt really weak...
And cold.
Weak and Cold.
I could sense my actions...
I think I was grabbing at my hair, cry strangely...
I couldn't see probably...I couldn't hear...
Jeez, I couldn't even HEAR.
I could only remember Darkness & Silence...
Until I forced myself to battle that X,
I saw Mrs Leong and could hear her...
And Adeline already next to me...
And I was shivering.
From the cold? Probably.
From X? Probably.
From fear? Probably.
And I assure you I wasn't STRESSED nor SAD.
X didn't go away.
It remained in me while I struggled out of class,
Thankfully with Adeline's strength,
But slowly inactivated.
"Take deep breaths..." I heard her say.
When I went back to class..
It was probably called the recovery...
I couldn't help ignoring Bio, Physics, and Chem.
All X wanted me to do was stare at my desk.
"Are you ok?" ..."yes."
It's happened last night too,
In my sleep...it was...
Non-stop screaming, crying,
And yet I wasn't allowed by X to open my eyes.
Until finally I could feel my mother's hand on my shoulder...
Her hand killed X,
She saved my sleep.
It's all so uncontrollable...
And I'm not one to be afraid of Chinese Orals.
I fear closing my eyes...
I think really, a phobia has developed in me.
I fear X would attack again.
On the bus just now,...
I was terribly sleepy...
But I dared not close my eyes.
I could sense X's hunger.
You who are reading this...:
Please don't repeat it to others...
And please don't be fightened.
The frightened one is me.
I'll go mad if this goes on.
I can still smell X...and it's already 7pm..
This is true fear.
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Saturday, June 05, 2004
Flashbacks.
Any occurances that happen these few days
Are rather thought-provoking,
And i can't help feeling that
There's a message that someone
was trying to get across to me.
Recently, someone asked me
"Where do you think is
The richest place on Earth"
I wasn't sure if it was
A trick kind of question.
Well his answer was
The Graveyard.
I thought about it and indeed,
If it weren't for the
Michelangelos
Chopins,
Pascals,
We wouldn't have the Wisdom of today.
That's one.
And then again,
I overheard a lady
Speaking to a Maid, on the bus.
The Maid was very young,
Probably in her 20s,
And the Maid answered that
She had to wake at 5
And get to sleep at 11.30pm.
It is probably similar to the
Hours a student has,
Yet she says that she has to
Care for 2 babies, a 3-year-old,
And a 74-year-old granny,
On top of all the chores.
I couldn't help thinking,
She could manage those,
And even appeared so cheerful,
with an "It's a New Day!" attitude.
Comparing our jobs,
Her life is a Routine,
So are us students.
She has to undertake her job for her future,
We too have to fulfill our jobs for our future.
Yet...
She's all alone in a foreign land,
And we are at Home with our Families and Friends.
Did we ever thanked our Maker?
That's two.
A while ago,
I noticed there was a Man,
Probably in his mid-20s.
He goes for Theory lessons,
About the same time as my Piano lesson.
I didn't notice him until
I saw small kids filing
Into his Theory class.
This man plays the Violin,
And I couldn't help wondering,
Wow.
He wasn't afraid to learn with
A whole class of midgets.
I did Theory with midgets before too,
But they were already in Pri 5 then.
But that was 4 years ago.
What I'm trying to say is,
It's really scarce to see
People like him,
Willing to come forward,
To be part of Music.
For those who wish to know Music,
But are too afraid,
Why be afraid?
Music doesn't care about
Age or Grade or Talent.
It's a Language from YOUR HEART.
[Jia You, Violinist!]
That's three.
Have you thought about these 'Messages'.
Any occurances that happen these few days
Are rather thought-provoking,
And i can't help feeling that
There's a message that someone
was trying to get across to me.
Recently, someone asked me
"Where do you think is
The richest place on Earth"
I wasn't sure if it was
A trick kind of question.
Well his answer was
The Graveyard.
I thought about it and indeed,
If it weren't for the
Michelangelos
Chopins,
Pascals,
We wouldn't have the Wisdom of today.
That's one.
And then again,
I overheard a lady
Speaking to a Maid, on the bus.
The Maid was very young,
Probably in her 20s,
And the Maid answered that
She had to wake at 5
And get to sleep at 11.30pm.
It is probably similar to the
Hours a student has,
Yet she says that she has to
Care for 2 babies, a 3-year-old,
And a 74-year-old granny,
On top of all the chores.
I couldn't help thinking,
She could manage those,
And even appeared so cheerful,
with an "It's a New Day!" attitude.
Comparing our jobs,
Her life is a Routine,
So are us students.
She has to undertake her job for her future,
We too have to fulfill our jobs for our future.
Yet...
She's all alone in a foreign land,
And we are at Home with our Families and Friends.
Did we ever thanked our Maker?
That's two.
A while ago,
I noticed there was a Man,
Probably in his mid-20s.
He goes for Theory lessons,
About the same time as my Piano lesson.
I didn't notice him until
I saw small kids filing
Into his Theory class.
This man plays the Violin,
And I couldn't help wondering,
Wow.
He wasn't afraid to learn with
A whole class of midgets.
I did Theory with midgets before too,
But they were already in Pri 5 then.
But that was 4 years ago.
What I'm trying to say is,
It's really scarce to see
People like him,
Willing to come forward,
To be part of Music.
For those who wish to know Music,
But are too afraid,
Why be afraid?
Music doesn't care about
Age or Grade or Talent.
It's a Language from YOUR HEART.
[Jia You, Violinist!]
That's three.
Have you thought about these 'Messages'.
