_____________________________________

regrets.
_____________________________________

you'll just know it.
really.
when it hits you.

i miss you.

i've never liked question marks.
this frigging symbol: '?'

and they were what I ended up with.
thanks a lot.

should I throw a tantrum.
and look downright stupid.
a tantrum's easier to handle.
or should I wallow in self-pity.
and feel downright stupid.
those people are losers.
should I declare suicide.
and sound downright stupid.
another class of losers.
or should I paint a picture.
a truce with stupidity?

how distant.
what became of yesterday's illusions.
I closed my eyes.
there was wind.
They fluttered open.
the air stilled.
a race I know I'll never win.

_______________________________________

tape it down.
_______________________________________

tape me down.
not me.
my mind.
stop it from wandering.

the relief.
your technique.
thanks for giving me time.

the relief.
I've got my Bio.
warnings?
It I'll get through.

the relief.
I've a friend I wanted.
Terminal 18. rocks.
things are working out.
well. certain things.

the anger.
why split them up?
they needed one another.
that's why I've never liked
those administrative staff.
watch out, idiots.

the anger.
what I dreaded happened.
but I can't care.
I'm numbed to your habits...

the anger.
stop clugging around like that.
welcome Mo a bit, can't you.
what if I put you in another terminal.
I might bribe the admin idiots.
watch out.

the anger.
why couldn't you check beforehand.
why today.
why now.
you've lost her a day, idiots.
yup. you've got it.
the same idiots.

the confusion.

sentosa tomorrow, kids.
it's a big "project".
"transferring a thousand
onto somewhere, an island,
called Sentosa".
shut up, sloth.
leave us alone.
________________________________________

____________________________________

candled flame.
____________________________________

good friday.
stations of the cross.
crazy pizza hut waiter.
enthusiasm.
no, over-enthusiasm.
the thick spines.
a little over ten pages.
missed garfield.
the screening.
bed.

holy saturday.
began early.
immersed in water.
roasted by the sun.
ear chocolates. right.
could talk for hours.
black and white wood.
discussion of ambitions.
truth uncovered.
i never knew too.
didn't own the basics.
not a good start.
gunbound.
lost true angles.
mahjong.
dragged myself.
obligation, i suppose.
"see a fish, faster catch.
shark's fins even better."
"not now. get the paper first."
what the hell.
know what?
older adults are nuts.
whatever yall say.
enters my right,
exits the left.
mass. my cousins.
the midnight mark.
candled flame.
andrea and pierre.
saw him.
remember me?
ec once. wp twice.
but not important.
as compared.
bed.

Easter Sunday.
today.
Happy Easter to you.
swenson's tonight?
please?
maybe not.
everybody go eat eggs.

____________________________________

gears ready.
____________________________________

comparison.
judgement.
return me myself.

don't know.
afraid to know.

you'll be fine. really.
more opportunities than you think.
He has a plan for you.

love you just the way you are.

why didn't I...

Men of Honor.
A true story.

come what may, right?
come what may.
but give me my bio.

__________________________________

____________________________________

no way.
____________________________________

a plaza far away in the east.
ya kun.
then subway.
then taka.
poked fun at the horrifying wallet.
i don't seriously call it a wallet.
it really disgraces the whole wallet family.
it was just, a connection of flaps.
and the other one.
with 'good luck' on it?
no way.
even harry deserves something better.

____________________________________

and they go moo.
____________________________________

posting day. relief + surprise.
lots of 'em are still staying.
great job.
but some were rejected.
man.
something's gotta be done.
just take in up till a thousand.
wat's the diff between 950 and a thousand.
a mother.
she sat looking through her child's
precious FILE of CERTIFICATES.
paranoid.
'ain't an interview' someone commented.

felt like bashing up the com.
qualifications altered?
requirements increased?
then what?

technical error?

just hand it to me,
I'm happy,
you're happy,
everyone's happy.
okay?
_____________________________________

authentic loser quality.
_____________________________________

move over.
don't gloat like some satisfied idiot.
hah, you are anyway.
but still.
spare us the agony.
nobody cares where you go, know that?
nobody cares if you actually lied,
nobody cares if you pulled strings,
nobody cares if you had latent abilities,
but everyone cares if you were staying.
authentic loser quality.

______________________________________

after dinner.
______________________________________

a lil health tips for you.
from some email.

7 dont's after a meal

* Don't smoke - Experiment from experts proves that smoking a cigarette after meal is comparable to smoking 10 cigarettes (chances of cancer is higher).

* Don't eat fruits immediately - Immediately eating fruits after meals will cause stomach to be bloated with air. Therefore take fruit 1-2 hr after meal or 1hr before meal.

* Don't drink tea - Because tea leaves contain a high content of acid. This substance will cause the Protein content in the food we consume to be hardened thus difficult to digest.

* Don't loosen your belt - Loosening the belt after a meal will easily cause the intestine to be twisted & blocked.

* Don't bathe - Bathing will cause the increase of blood flow to the hands, legs & body thus the amount of blood around the stomach will therefore decrease. This will weaken the digestive system in our stomach.

* Don't walk about - People always say that after a meal walk a hundred steps and you will live till 99. In actual fact this is not true. Walking will cause the digestive system to be unable to absorb the nutrition from the food we intake.

* Don't sleep immediately - The food we intake will not be able to digest properly. Thus will lead to gastric & infection in our intestine.

still, in accordance to you.
at your own risk.

_____________________________________

rejoice.
_____________________________________

waiting in anticipation to reunite.
soon.
_____________________________________

_____________________________

losers.
_____________________________

10 ways how losers think.

1. What do I do next? Never mind, everything will be alright. I'll just wait here for it to arrive...

2. Where's everyone? Never mind, I'll just tag along with the first person I see...

3. I missed school today... what's the homework? Never mind, I'll just sms all the people around me, and let them know that I am feeling better. After all, they must be worried about me right?

4. I need to stick to a group of people so that I don't look like a loner! Who shall I stick to?... Ah... I see a class clique. Let's go for it.

5. Is there a class outing today? Oh no, why wasn't I informed? Maybe when I was away they had it discussed. I better tag along after school.

6. Nothing is ever my fault! Just act blur, and I'll be safe. Well, sometimes they tell me I don't even have to act to look blur. I guess it's a natural talent.

7. Look at my marks! I have a gift in this subject. It's a pity no one asks me for help. I'll try harder to gain recognition. Soon...

8. What? The tutor asks me to erase the board? Why do I have to do it? It's okay, I'll just erase a little and then move off to the next class. Yes. That's what I'll do. Oops! The duster fell! I'll just ignore it, and pretend I hadn't notice it.

9. I better not tell anyone my choices of JCs, in case I'll be humiliated later on. I'll just say I've forgotten.

10. My classmates want me to lie to the tutor?! No way! My parents told me to be truthful always. I'll just tell the tutor the truth, that they told me to lie. Haha, they'll get into trouble and not me! Whee!

Get off my back, Loser.
And please, Grow Up.
____________________________________

________________________

you need you.
________________________

but always i have this load
haunting me at the
back of my mind.
it's like a vicious cycle.
still thinking why i find
serving church a chore:
my problem? or because
i'm not called to
that ministry.
thinking about going back
to *** but lots of hesitation
neither here nor there.
thinking of going for the
sleepless night on
holy thursday yet
think here think there.
sigh. think till the day i die
i still can't make up my mind.
irritated with myself.

relax.
there's plenty of time.
it's not all screwed yet.
we can't afford to be
irritated with ourselves.
cos. we need us
to depend on.
especially you.
you need you.
_________________________

pages are running low.
_________________________

*****.
if only you could hear me.
pages are running low...
i did it for you.
i did it for you and ***.
pages are running low...
so who do i send this to?
a technique i never knew.
pages are running low...
nothing works.
won't stop trying.
pages are running low...
won't give in to science.
how could fear stand between bond.
pages are running low...
i regret so.
wanna undertake potter's.
screw it.

`pages are running low.

_________________________

________________________

assuming scrutiny
________________________

if you knowst not anything,
see not anything,
hear not anything,
but resort to
scrutinizing assumptions,
and,
assuming scrutiny
then,
do your bit of charity:
shut up,
and,
fuck off.
thank you.

_________________________

con-man.
_________________________

your whole car stinks.
no, wait, your heart stinks.
take the filthy note,
and scram.
God bless.
_________________________

stop right there.
_________________________

i don't care how your
pathetic day has been,
i don't care if you're
comparing crosses.
i don't care if you've
been isolated in there.
you keep everything
to yourself,
till you're going mad,
you're insane.
you're ridiculous.
you're insanity itself.
it's not like we're all dead.
please shout or speak it,
don't mask it with apologies.
i hate it.
we hate it.
talk it out. we'll be there.
________________________

deterioting.
________________________

`tightened the ropes.
folds are getting worst.
`grabbed my torch.
not losing as yet.
`pushed open the door.
not losing myself. as yet.
`adjusted the helmet.
ain't losing.
`ginger in.
ain't losing.
`adjusting eyes.
it'll work out.
`glanced right.
it'll be fine.
`glanced left.
i'll be fine.
`glanced up.
i'll rescue me.
_________________________

________________________

manhattan.
________________________

maybe.
don't know.
lime juice.
cough mixture. haha.
maybe not.

it started out great.
`she will be loved.
`september
`...
`...
and it went down to
`eye of the tiger
`...
`...
`rollin'
before hitting the final
`My Way.

what a great way to end.
forgot the basics.
screwed up my stomach.
woke at 4.13.
puked. twice.
yet didn't regret not i.
slammed them windows.
coincidence.
winter nights.
______________________

frozen.
______________________

married a frenchman?
your family gave him
a grand farewell
when he left?
and you didn't get any?
well.
asian inferiority?!
western superiority?!
[chuckles] nahhh.
cry not.
it was just that,
your family didn't have time.
they just didn't have time
to say goodbye to you.
you may jolly well say
goodbye to them. eternally.
________________________

on the rocks.
________________________

king of pop?
sued? again?
my, my...
sued for being rich?
sued for being king?
sued for being a jackson?
am i blind?
then why can't i see your bonds?
he died a second class citizen.
and you're sueing a parallel.
how dumb.
are you dumb, dumb or dumb?
he's ashamed of you.
sue the bloody hospital!
_________________________

straight up.
_________________________

'i want it standing up.'
[laughs out loud] male waiter.
seriously.
Local:
'sorry, we only have the french
restaurant available, the rest are
full. would you like to take a look at
the menu [prices] first?'
Foreigner:
'I'm just going up for a drink.'
'Oh! Sure, this way.'

true blue equinox attitude.

_________________________

__________________________

hummingbird.
__________________________

Yeah I know sometimes things
may not always make sense
to you right now
But hey, what daddy always tell you?
Straighten up little soldier
Stiffen up that other limb
What you crying about?
You got me
Hailie I know you miss your mom
and I know you miss your dad
Well I'm gone but I'm trying
to give you the life that I never had
I can see you're sad,
even when you smile,
even when you laugh
I can see it in your eyes,
deep inside you want to cry
Cuz you're scared, I ain't there?
Daddy's with you in your prayers
No more crying, wipe them tears
Daddy's here, no more nightmares
We gon' pull together through it,
we gon' do it Laney uncles crazy,
aint he? Yeah but he loves you girl
and you better know it
We're all we got in this world
When it spins, when it swirls
When it whirls, when it twirls
Two little beautiful girls Lookin' puzzled
in a daze I know it's confusing you
Daddy's always on the move,
mamma's always on the news
I try to keep you sheltered from it
but somehow it seems
The harder that I try to do that,
the more it backfires on me
All the things growing up his daddy
that he had to see Daddy don't want you
to see but you see just as much as he did
We did not plan it to be this way,
your mother and me
But things have gotten so bad
between us I don't see us ever being
together ever again
Like we used to be
when we was teenagers
But then of course everything
always happens for a reason
I guess it was never meant to be
But it's just something we
have no control over and
that's what destiny is
But no more worries, rest your head
and go to sleep Maybe one day
we'll wake up and this will
all just be a dream

Now hush little baby, don't you cry
Everything's gonna be alright
Stiffen that ?limb up?
little lady, i told ya Daddy's here
to hold ya through the night
I know mommy's not here right now
and we don't know why
We feel how we feel inside
It may seem a little crazy, pretty baby
But i promise momma's
gon' be alrightIt's funny

I remember back one year when
daddy had no money Mommy wrapped
the Christmas presents up And stuck 'em
under the tree and said some of 'em
were from me cuz daddy couldn't buy 'em
I'll never forget that Christmas I sat
up the whole night crying
Cuz daddy felt like a bum,
see daddy had a job
But his job was to keep the food
on the table for you and mom
And at the time every house that we lived in
Either kept getting broke into and robbed
Or shot up on the block and your mom
was saving money for you in a jar
Tryna start a piggy bank for you so
you could go to college
Almost had a thousand dollars till
someone broke in and stole it
And I know it hurt so bad it
broke your momma's heart
And it seemed like everything was
just startin' to fall apart
Mom and dad was arguin' a lot
so momma moved back
On the Chalmers in the flat
one bedroom apartment
And dad moved back to the
other side of 8 Mile on Novara
And that's when daddy went to
California with his CD and met Dr. Dre
And flew you and momma out to see me
But daddy had to work,
you and momma had to leave me
Then you started seeing daddy on the T.V.
and momma didn't like it
And you and Laney were to young
to understand it Papa was a rollin' stone,
momma developed a habit
And it all happened too fast for
either one of us to grab it
I'm just sorry you were there
and had to witness it first hand
Cuz all I ever wanted to do was
just make you proud
Now I'm sittin in this empty house,
just reminiscing Lookin'
at your baby pictures,
it just trips me out
To see how much you both have grown,
it's almost like you're sisters now
Wow, guess you pretty much are
and daddy's still here
Laney I'm talkin' to you too,
daddy's still here
I like the sound of that, yeah
It's got a ring to it don't it?
Shh, momma's only gone for the moment

And if you ask me too Daddy's gonna
buy you a mockingbird I'mma give you
the world I'mma buy a diamond ring
for you I'mma sing for you
I'll do anything for you to see you smile
And if that mockingbird don't sing
and that ring don't shine
I'mma break that birdies neck
I'd go back to the jewler who
sold it to ya And make him eat
every carat don't fuck with dad (haha)

____________________________

_________________________

your problem.
_________________________

why the bad mood?
"lack of affection.
lack of affirmation.
lack of support.
lack of an identity.
lack of self-esteem.
lack of assurance.
lack of opportunities.
lack of brain cells."

--thanks for the quote, s-ho[e].

i've got a problem with
every object today.
the whole day stuck with the
forgotten-how-to-smile feeling.
didn't bother entertaining.
didn't bother serving.
heck. i shan't care.
i'm interested in a gun.
can't they make it legal?
that's why i've a problem
with the sporean govt.
with the gun,
i can shoot everything.
i'm especially jealous of birds.
they have all the freedom.
down they go. here we go.
`BANG! one down...
``BANG! two down...
```BANG! three down...
stop talking on the frigging phone.
talk to me.
we should be living
in a new world.
maybe then it'll be better.
it'll all be a better place.
test tubed
`Alphas,
`Betas,
`Gammas,
`Deltas,
`Epsilons.
wahaha. greeeat.

i know it's so impossible.
they're only dreams.
well. whatever.
i'd risk my limbs;
defy the limits.
can't be bothered
cbb. bbc. bcb.
cnn. cnet. HISTORY.
cnn. bbc.
cnn. bbc.
cnn. bbc.
cnn. bbc.
cnn. bbc.
cnn. bbc.
cnn. bbc.
ccnnbbccnnbbccnnbbccnnbb.
________________________

your mistake.
________________________

your greatest mistake, s-ho[e].
maybe you'd not even be in
this insane misery.
this ridiculous doubt.
one day your real smile
might just turn sinister...
i want to be there
when it happens, to stop you,
from plunging forward,
carrying out massive purges.
you didn't sound certain.
i know you aren't.
we'll just have to see
how it turns out..
meantime.
start detaching yourself.
don't wait till the
final showdown.
think for yourself.
for once.
i don't want you to be hurt.
i'll corrode someone's face.
throttle someone's large neck.
kick his somewhere.
i'll take you away.
____________________________

_______________________

thanks.
_______________________

thanks for helping me, all...
you've all got good heads
on your shoulders.
really. good heads.
thanks for your time [orchard].

and. thanks for that attitude.
it made my day.
i wanted to say 'get out.'
but you did anyway.
so, good.
thanks for your time.

and. thanks for the analagy.
it helped 1,2,5,6.
3 and 4 left untouched.
thanks for your time.

and. thanks for your email.
your reply's pending?
(please do.)
thanks for your time.

and. thanks for confusing me.
*genes inherited*
thanks for your time.
_______________________

unravel.
_______________________

why.
would you understand.
nah...... .
all i needed was
someone to argue with.
it's. internal conflict.
it's just. prioritizing.
what's there, she asked.
here's my answer.
it's not just what's there.
it's what here.
i need to get out of
this comfort zone.
this environment;
where everyone's friendly,
everyone knows everyone...
like stc all over again.
i need to see what's outside.
do you get it..?
to investigate the
different perspectives
of society others have...
to experience all
the cold, the bitching,
everything that's claimed there...
know what?
the more descriptions told,
the more attractive it becomes!
i want to study individuals.
maybe that's what i'm destined?
sociology.. psychology..
argh. whatever. that's later.
it's a straightforward decision
for so many others...
i wish i were like them.
i know i won't be granted.
but there's just where i wanna go.
_________________________

explore.
_________________________

it's all too subtle\\.
there's not enough to ponder over.
everyday is a drift.
maybe it's the subjects.
yet also, at another,
it'll be too far.
but i can't care...
i'd like to try the anglican way.
i want the politics.
but it's only arts there.
well. after all that.
i ain't coming to a conclusion.
maybe i should just die.
perish. non-existent. out.
yet of course not.
[[responsibilities]]
let's be rational.

bottomless...
ottomless..

ttomless.

tomlss

oms

m

.

.

.

.

.

ain't a conclusion.
but i need to get out.
that's for sure.
___________________________