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rants. again.
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i've got so many things to be friggingly PISSED about!

first of all, i hate it when those creeps try to raise prices for the occasion. take the personal Morris steamboat for example- it was only $34.90 before the lunar new yaer, and when we wanted to buy it as a gift which was promised beforehand, the price was at $43.90! this is DAYLIGHT ROBBERY! and i won't name the hypermarket we bought it at, just in case some freak tries to sue me and i'd have to make a lame public apology. if we didn't need the bloody steamboat i would never have bought it at such a crazy price. but we had to, and i grumbled the way home. i do NOT like such price increases. and if i ever had the authority one day to set prices, i would never extort my customers like that.

secondly, i am so pissed at my music school. every month we pay $200+ for the lessons, and we get FOUR LESSONS. but for FEBRUARY, when i asked them if there was replacement for the 17th Feb (new year's eve), they said there was NO REPLACEMENTS. so in other words we paid that same sum of money for THREE LESSONS. it's not like i really care about the lessons, i seriously have come to hate piano lessons at the stupid school. in fact i've recently signed the end of my 'CONTRACT'. and i'm so pissed with them. and next they're going to ask me to do a public apology, which i never will.

thirdly, i am friggingly DISGUSTED with people who FLIRTS DISGUSTINGLY. will not elaborate more.

fourthly, i cannot tahan smoking. i cannot tahan second-hand smoke.

fifth, i hate it when friends pretend to be your FRIENDS when they talk behind your back and then act like they didn't. i DETEST such people. you are just acting like a stupid bitch.

six, i absolutely am immensely irritated when you ask about MY LIFE. from what course i am going to take in uni, to whether i'm done with my driving, i am VERY VERY IRRITATED BY YOUR QUESTIONS. MY LIFE IS MY LIFE and LET ME LIVE IT WITHOUT YOUR PROBING. i'm no anti-social but my participation at pointless social gatherings is reluctant for that reason. if i make an effort to go, you guys must be fucking special. and keep in mind i go ON THE CONDITION THAT YOU MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS AND NOT ASK ME QUESTIONS I DO NOT WISH TO ANSWER.

seven, i hate it when you keep hinting that i shouldn't remain single anymore. LEAVE ME ALONE, I'LL RECOGNIZE MY LIFE PARTNER WHEN I MEET HIM, OKAY???

eight, i hate it when you keep asking and ASKING FOR DISCOUNTS WHEN I'VE POINTEDLY TOLD YOU IT'S FIXED PRICE, SO TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT!!!

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR if you belong to any of these categories STAY AWAY AND STOP MAKING LIFE MISERABLE FOR ME!!!

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Dreading 23rd
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I'm sitting tonight in front of my pc, frantically checking out the uni websites and trying to fit my life into any course that works out for me. I'm no desk job person, and I'm not the type to work at a job for more than a year, unless I'm really passionate about it. Cause, previous experiences have shown me that if I am forced to do something I really can't commit myself to, for some reason or another, I would become 'crazy'.

Take piano for example. I thought it was supposed to be something enjoyable, and I don't give a fucking damn about the grades because your 'GRADE' is not fully representative of how much you feel for the instrument, and music. and weekly lessons at the fucking school are supposed to be enjoyable and MUSIC clashes like crazy with STRESS. When you start feeling stressed up and fucked up, that's not music anymore. Music is supposed to be sung from your heart. So for the past year, I wonder why I've been going for the lessons since the abrsm exams takes your passion away?

Take college for another example. Why the fucking hell did I ever choose the science path instead of the arts? damn it! I was always in love with lit and crying and laughing with books so I wonder why did I give away all hopes of 'literaray advancements' by forcing myself to do bio? once again, it's a stupid DECISION-MAKING, CHOICE BULLSHIT. hell no did i regret choosing my path, cos today when i finally checked out the u courses, most of them, if not all, required a pass in chem or bio, which makes me feel really good. and till today i can remember the words my maths teacher mr chai told me in college - "if you'd stayed on in the arts, you could have been an arts scholar." i'm not here to brag, but it's a sentence that really made me feel better after i fell into confusion and didn't believe in myself anymore. that sentence brought a new wave of identity in me and i put up my struggle with science to the end. so that sentence probably, i don't know, restored the confidence in me, that at least someone saw something in me, that i didn't before. i wonder if i've met mr chai earlier, would i still do the science or arts?

and some time back last year, another stupid decision-making era. some members of my class went through it to- whether we should drop a subject so that we could cope better with 3. i was tempted to drop, really tempted, cos that would mean an easier load, more time, probably would be happier since i really hated chem. (i still do, and i'm anti-engineering) i hated chem, but i loved bio. i love econs, but i hated maths. i'm some idiot dropped onto this earth with weird subject preferences. if only i could love 3 subjects that LINKED and formed a COMBINATION. and i clearly remember my ideal subject combi was bio, lit and maths. (maths cos, well, we HAVE to do it) but hell no once again, i was forced to part with lit, contented with the 3 months of poetry-writing and reading the lines from jan to mar 06. hell, i missed lit. so back to dropping a subject - i was tempted, but no way i'm not someone who gives something up halfway just because i'm tired and i'm struggling like a candle in the wind. it was like 2 months nearing the exams and no way, i wanted 4 subjects, and i'm going to stick to it and face the consequences even if it means 4 Cs. oh and by the way, getting even a 'C' was difficult in my usual exams in college. i'm a fucking stubborn moose. but so what? i want this, i'll answer to it.

in 2003 i had to make a choice. i had to choose between literature or music for 'O' levels since lessons for both subjects as a 9th subject fell on monday. both are where i belong, but for some reason my heart told me to go with music. and i did. and i never regretted that though i was disappointed in the course. nonetheless i was inspired by the talented pianists there, and the course has opened my eyes to a deeper meaning in the history of music. but of course you can't deny that the learning of the chinese and indian and god knows what instruments were crap. besides, it was good fun with the four of us. just a pity no eye candies in that class. all retards and HIGHLY INELIGIBLE. when i say 'ineligible' i mean 'cannot make it'. off the top of my head, i can think of a penuel, a reuben (omg this one), and a COLINSON (van should know better). the girls were good. i remember a linda, a amanda, actually that's it. bad memory.

i figured if i really needed to get into U, why not look at NUS first, since it's well, the most outstanding to my opinion. this is what i found, with my comments.

Architecture eew. i'm so not into skyscrapers.
Bioengineering omg. you expect me to make artificial livers every day?
Business Admin pretty alright. most practical here.
Business Admin with Accts sounds better.
Chemical Engineering want me to make paper???
Civil Engineering i'm so NOT william hung. nor LTA. bleh.
Computer Engineering i'm not Bill.
Computing i told you i'm not Bill.
Dentistry want also cannot. no grades. and not into bad breath, thanks.
Electrical Engineering Stinky's dream. can't take it.
Engineering i'm SO not a phy/maths person.
Engineering Science dunno what the hell is it
Environmental Engineering not practical in singapore lah.. i'll be based at S'pore River?
Industrial Design not bad. i could make the next iZen.
Industrial & Systems Engineering not bad. i would enjoy this.
Law go and DREAM
Material Science & Engineering think i so free ah
Mechanical Engineering make machines, like geek liddat
Medicine go and DREAM
Nursing talk to the ah pek? hmm. and meet cute doc, fall in love...
Pharmacy BORING JOB
Project & Facilities Management not bad, can take after dad :)
Real Estate isn't there a faster course for this?
Science forget it. become the next Mrs Toh. long hair.


to be honest i'm not familiar with the uni system and how everything works...i've just got a far contact here and there to brief me. maybe i should call them up soon, ask how uni works. bleah! why is everything so hard! all i wanna do is enjoy life, and spending all this money on the degree doesn't make cents cos i'm not interested in any of them! why must i go and make a choice? why??? rant, rant, rant... pfffffff. life is short. i hope everyone realizes it. life is really short. and i'm not going to live this life chained to my desk, hair growing white, even dropping by the thousands, i'm not going to live this life worrying about money. life's too short for all these. what happened to family time and holidays and laughing and tickling? i dunno, i just feel as if i live my life differently from others. it's like alienation. it's sad.


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