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up.close.and.personal
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I had breakfast with ade and van on tuesday during the midterm break, up close and personal. We discussed a whole myriad of topics and among them the big R word: RELATIONSHIPS. In terms of boy-girl relationships lah, duh.
Well since I've never been in one, it's an area which I'm unfamiliar with (though i'm pretty sure i'm capable of playing the game right when the time comes). When I was in stc, I felt uncomfortable around boys. Like when the scouts came over, or we have some joint-seminar with them, i just can't talk to them like how i talk to girls. they seem like weird creatures with their own strange way of thinking. well. the catches of being in a convent. but i never regretted going into a mixed school. i mean, being secluded from the rest of the world for 4 years in a convent has taught me many things and i certainly enjoyed my time with my close friends.
and now that some of my friends have found relationships during jc or uni, i've started to reflect on it. while it's great to have someone to love and be loved, someone to talk to on the phone till dawn, someone to celebrate romantic nights together, i just can't close my eyes to the 'down' sides of being in a relationship. i mean, i'm a free bird and i place very high importance on freedom. freedom of speech, expression, dance, purchase, sleep, work, love, well, basically pretty much everything but sex. hence such a free-and-easy person like myself would naturally stay away from relationships.
i mean, imagine going out with the SAME person over and over again.. I mean, unless he's some highly entertaining soul, i can't imagine myself going out with just one other person repeatedly. i mean, that's the way with friends, i mean, i don't hang out with the same friends every time i go out. i enjoy variety and personalities. and it doesn't mean that i don't have close friends either, i mean, we're close and good friends but we carry on our own lives. so if i were to go out with a guy and do the same things, talk about the same things, laugh at the same old things, it'll be pretty mundane wouldn't it? i mean, face it, we're in singapore. and face it, we eat at pretty much the same places.
oh no no i don't want repetition like that.
as of now my life is really great, i seriously don't need to be bugged down with a relationship. i have my dreams, my many many dreams, my many targets and figures, many many goals set at many many dates. i have many many things to appreciate and enjoy, many many things to start building. and i'm generally opening up as a whole human being. i'm evolving from conservative (hobbes?) to liberal (locke?), where freedom is central to my being. in fact, i'm a very happy person, and i treat all the guys i know like brothers. i mean, we're all brothers and sisters. one big happy family. and some of my 'brothers' have their own other halves and it's great. but generally i stay away from those 'brothers' of mine who have their other halves. reason's obvious. hoho. so ladies, don't worry, i won't actually talk much to your boyfriends/husbands. but of course i will still talk lah, i mean, i can't meet the two of you and just talk to just one of you right? it's so weird and it's not something i can accomplish. :P
well, what i'm trying to say is, don't be surprised and make it a big deal if i'm still single even when i'm 35.
I’m so liberal now… you probably wouldn’t understand what I mean, but I can feel it in me. I can feel the life of me throbbing down my arteries. This is the start of my life, where I can finally do what I want to do with like-minded people. I now dare to share my dreams with others, instead of keeping them all to myself. I now want to share my dreams with others, and not afraid if I fail in my attempts. I used to believe that if I share a dream with another person, the dream may not come true. And worst if the person who have heard it succeed in MY dream instead of me (ie. Stealing of ideas). How silly of me.
I’m building more friendships than ever before, different faces in different places, lunching away with the new and the old, playing in the sun with the new and the old. Life’s been treating me well, I buy my own stylish clothes and always get a discount on those I like. I eat what I like without caring what others may think of me. And after a long long time, I finally allow myself to wear sleeveless clothings out of the house, where previously I didn’t want my fat arms to show. I have a plump body but I love me for me. I love my hair and my face. I love my arms and I love my legs.
I don’t want to get married. I don’t want the burden of buying groceries and tugging them all back. I don’t want to do the housework and gosh not the dishes. I don’t want my children to grow up in this sad world. I don’t want my children to suffer from parting. I hate parting. To prevent parting, we should prevent union. Parting scars.
I think I should stop talking about this for now… but I think you kind of get the point, right. Alright! Back to the present! My g.l.a.m.o.r.o.u.s life hehehe...
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Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Saturday, September 22, 2007
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My take
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Here's my weekly.. no, fortnightly..no, monthly dosage of what i think and what's going on in my humble, pathetic, miserable, mundane, boring, sexless life....
...NOT!!! haha.
there've been so many things to do that i could hardly say 'it's a hot day!' ranging from lunching with people i barely know, and giving a presentation on the system of states which i barely understood, working on papers in the wee hours of the night, walking up and down the many stairs of campus (you would think u were in an ancient stadium in athens at that), laying groundwork for projects in october, starring in films, clearing inboxes, shopping at dorothy perkins, earning money as i go along.
midterm recess. meaning my head can rest longer on my pillow; meaning i can go to bed earlier and get up later. and it also means that i have this much time to catch up on my readings (2 weeks overdued). ohh...my poor poor shoulders and aching soles...
on to a different topic.
i want cable to watch soccer. i'm so sick of our local variety shows. and they play movies over and over again. i mean, look at it now, it's playing america's sweethearts. arghh..i dunno what's wrong with me. if we subscribed to cable it's an estimated $46.05 a month. money doesn't fall like the rain okay???
i just inserted a dvd into the player. it's called.. Little Miss Sunshine!!! I LOVE this film- it's so heart-warming! To quote:
"There are two kinds of people in this world; winners and losers."
so that's how it is, i mean, i watch dvds while doing my work when the station gets disappointing. and i've watched this film a million times. hoho. the irony of it all.
i tried reading plato. certainly not for fun, but rather, for political science. and throughout that one page that i tried to read and understand, i couldn't. he's like talking to himself you know? like, each paragraph is made up of one sentence, and each sentence is 3-4 words. so i gave up.
on to a different topic.
i like central library. it's a cosy place, that's not too suffocating. and the temperature's right. so when i hunt books down in the basement, i feel comfortable, and to an extent, smart.
i'm quite sick of wearing round neck t shirts. in fact i'm starting to loathe them. i don't like my neck being constrained in that circle; i need freedom of movement.
but the problem with wearing a spaghetti tank or a racer back is that men-of all ages- will look at you hard. and i don't like that, i mean, i don't feel comfortable at all about men staring you down like that. in fact, i don't like people staring at me. i like people watching me when i act or present, and that's when i officially allow attention. but when i go on a bus, i just don't want to be noticed. i mean, don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that i'm damn good looking, in fact i'm not physically appealing hahaha, i'm just saying that i don't like stares because it makes me feel conscious. i mean, why can't i just board the bus without people staring??
i guess it's a cycle, you know, like, how i always stare at people too. but then i look at their eyes and their eyebrows, and not chin-down. so..hah. i've proven my point.
on to a different topic.
singapore is hot. hot as in, sunny warm hot. it's like that story of heating up that frog in a pot. i don't think this is singapore anymore. it's more like, africa or something. our skin will turn black gradually, through evolution.
yeah, i was right. i love little miss sunshine.
i wanna have their mini-bus.
____________________________
My take
__________________________
Here's my weekly.. no, fortnightly..no, monthly dosage of what i think and what's going on in my humble, pathetic, miserable, mundane, boring, sexless life....
...NOT!!! haha.
there've been so many things to do that i could hardly say 'it's a hot day!' ranging from lunching with people i barely know, and giving a presentation on the system of states which i barely understood, working on papers in the wee hours of the night, walking up and down the many stairs of campus (you would think u were in an ancient stadium in athens at that), laying groundwork for projects in october, starring in films, clearing inboxes, shopping at dorothy perkins, earning money as i go along.
midterm recess. meaning my head can rest longer on my pillow; meaning i can go to bed earlier and get up later. and it also means that i have this much time to catch up on my readings (2 weeks overdued). ohh...my poor poor shoulders and aching soles...
on to a different topic.
i want cable to watch soccer. i'm so sick of our local variety shows. and they play movies over and over again. i mean, look at it now, it's playing america's sweethearts. arghh..i dunno what's wrong with me. if we subscribed to cable it's an estimated $46.05 a month. money doesn't fall like the rain okay???
i just inserted a dvd into the player. it's called.. Little Miss Sunshine!!! I LOVE this film- it's so heart-warming! To quote:
"There are two kinds of people in this world; winners and losers."
so that's how it is, i mean, i watch dvds while doing my work when the station gets disappointing. and i've watched this film a million times. hoho. the irony of it all.
i tried reading plato. certainly not for fun, but rather, for political science. and throughout that one page that i tried to read and understand, i couldn't. he's like talking to himself you know? like, each paragraph is made up of one sentence, and each sentence is 3-4 words. so i gave up.
on to a different topic.
i like central library. it's a cosy place, that's not too suffocating. and the temperature's right. so when i hunt books down in the basement, i feel comfortable, and to an extent, smart.
i'm quite sick of wearing round neck t shirts. in fact i'm starting to loathe them. i don't like my neck being constrained in that circle; i need freedom of movement.
but the problem with wearing a spaghetti tank or a racer back is that men-of all ages- will look at you hard. and i don't like that, i mean, i don't feel comfortable at all about men staring you down like that. in fact, i don't like people staring at me. i like people watching me when i act or present, and that's when i officially allow attention. but when i go on a bus, i just don't want to be noticed. i mean, don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that i'm damn good looking, in fact i'm not physically appealing hahaha, i'm just saying that i don't like stares because it makes me feel conscious. i mean, why can't i just board the bus without people staring??
i guess it's a cycle, you know, like, how i always stare at people too. but then i look at their eyes and their eyebrows, and not chin-down. so..hah. i've proven my point.
on to a different topic.
singapore is hot. hot as in, sunny warm hot. it's like that story of heating up that frog in a pot. i don't think this is singapore anymore. it's more like, africa or something. our skin will turn black gradually, through evolution.
yeah, i was right. i love little miss sunshine.
i wanna have their mini-bus.
____________________________
Friday, September 14, 2007
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
__________________________
Joke from The New Paper
__________________________
A teen wrote to his father:
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need.
$o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on
His father replied:
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOurs student busy.
Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
_____________________________
Joke from The New Paper
__________________________
A teen wrote to his father:
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need.
$o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on
His father replied:
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOurs student busy.
Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
_____________________________
Saturday, September 01, 2007
_____________________________
Eccentric!
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there are some situations where it became weird because of the things i said. it's more like i can't control my mouth. it just tumbles out without me filtering/editing the dialogue and sometimes it's quite funny, and to an extent even, embarrassing.
1. like one night, i had dinner with a cousin and my mother. and there was the 'getai' there. so i accidentally asked my mother 'are the chairs [of the getai floor] for people who haven't die?'
2. another time i saw my acquaintances [X and Y] in school, and we talked for a while. but after that we kind of realized there's nothing much to talk after that, and there was an awkward pause, like, we were waiting for things to happen or something. so i blurted 'why don't you guys make a move first.. because.. i'm going to make a move too.' they looked at me oddly. can't blame them.
3. another time after a conversation with an ex-classmate on the corridor, i said 'ok! i gtg. i got class now, so i'll see you later! wait, not later, as in, around. what i meant is, see you around.'
4. oh then got one time lecture finished already, then i rose. but then the person on my right (whom i don't know), who is blocking the whole row's exit, was still seated. so i just asked 'aren't you moving?' and that poor foreign guy said 'no i'm hanging around here for a while.' to which i replied 'ok. as for me, i'm moving.' HAHAHA. ohmytian. my friend commented that that was VERY odd. i KNOW okay?? think i wasn't embarrassed?
5. Central library. Perk point. I needed a chair. Every chair was used. Then got one guy using TWO chairs (for his legs) and it was the chair i always used. So I walked past once, and stared at him. in the eyes. (i didn't mean to! i was trying to figure out if he's local or foreign) then i surveyed if any other free chairs again before i have to do the inevitable. nope there weren't. so i went back to him and he had already started to push the other chair (for his legs) away. [THAT WAS FUNNY!!!] i said 'i'm sorry..' then he shook his head and said 'don't worry it's perfectly alright..' 'ok, so.. i'll use this.' then i pushed the chair to the other end of the room where i can put my legs up. i mean, that was bad! bad bad bad bad baaaad...
ohmytian!!! what's wrong!!! it's like i'm eccentric!!!
Eccentric!
_____________________________
there are some situations where it became weird because of the things i said. it's more like i can't control my mouth. it just tumbles out without me filtering/editing the dialogue and sometimes it's quite funny, and to an extent even, embarrassing.
1. like one night, i had dinner with a cousin and my mother. and there was the 'getai' there. so i accidentally asked my mother 'are the chairs [of the getai floor] for people who haven't die?'
2. another time i saw my acquaintances [X and Y] in school, and we talked for a while. but after that we kind of realized there's nothing much to talk after that, and there was an awkward pause, like, we were waiting for things to happen or something. so i blurted 'why don't you guys make a move first.. because.. i'm going to make a move too.' they looked at me oddly. can't blame them.
3. another time after a conversation with an ex-classmate on the corridor, i said 'ok! i gtg. i got class now, so i'll see you later! wait, not later, as in, around. what i meant is, see you around.'
4. oh then got one time lecture finished already, then i rose. but then the person on my right (whom i don't know), who is blocking the whole row's exit, was still seated. so i just asked 'aren't you moving?' and that poor foreign guy said 'no i'm hanging around here for a while.' to which i replied 'ok. as for me, i'm moving.' HAHAHA. ohmytian. my friend commented that that was VERY odd. i KNOW okay?? think i wasn't embarrassed?
5. Central library. Perk point. I needed a chair. Every chair was used. Then got one guy using TWO chairs (for his legs) and it was the chair i always used. So I walked past once, and stared at him. in the eyes. (i didn't mean to! i was trying to figure out if he's local or foreign) then i surveyed if any other free chairs again before i have to do the inevitable. nope there weren't. so i went back to him and he had already started to push the other chair (for his legs) away. [THAT WAS FUNNY!!!] i said 'i'm sorry..' then he shook his head and said 'don't worry it's perfectly alright..' 'ok, so.. i'll use this.' then i pushed the chair to the other end of the room where i can put my legs up. i mean, that was bad! bad bad bad bad baaaad...
ohmytian!!! what's wrong!!! it's like i'm eccentric!!!
